fm magazine is cutting jeans into shorts

Some MOON shit.

Posted in I Am An FM Intern by internface on December 14, 2008

MOON SHIT.
There is a full moon this Friday. 12-12!
For some reason, I am totally excited.
People get crazy when the moon is full, right?
We (humans) like to blame the moon for a lot of weird shit…
LIKE:
-traffic accidents
-crisis calls to police or fire stations
-domestic violence
-births of babies
-suicide
-major disasters
-casino payout rates
-assassinations
-kidnappings
-aggression by professional hockey players
-violence in prisons
-psychiatric admissions [one study found admissions were lowest during a full moon]
-agitated behavior by nursing home residents
-assaults
-gunshot wounds
-stabbings
-emergency room admissions [but see]
-behavioral outbursts of psychologically challenged rural adults
-lycanthropy
-vampirism
-alcoholism
-sleep walking
-epilepsy
-crazy chicks on their periods being CRAZY
– WEREWOLVES

Either the moon is getting more credit than it deserves, or the moon is the most magical planet in the heavens!

It’s not a planet? No, it’s not. It’s the sun, except it’s made of cheese. The gypsy in me says the moon has got to be pretty fucking powerful if it affects the tides of the OCEAN!

But according to a study in 1996 by Ivan Kelly, James Rotton, and Roger Culver, the moon is getting more credit than it deserves. They examined over 100 studies and found no real correlation between phases of the moon and any of the rates of the above activities. And if there was a slight correlation, it was linked it to pure chance.

Apparently, babies are supposed to fall out of their moms on full moons, too. Something about gravity…

Werewolves, bleeding vaginas, gravity babies… it’s all some crazy moon shit for sure. Don’t be skeptical, it’s a waste of time. Who are you going to trust? Some crazy gypsy, or some “scientists”?

I’m not sure why this is all underlined, and I can’t seem to change it. Fuck it. It’s in English, right?

—Maggie Moody

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Desperately seeking date to BoysIIMen…W4M

Posted in I Am An FM Intern by internface on November 25, 2008

I quit my job this week, so I no longer do the devil’s work at the Larimer Lounge. So now I have a LOT of time on my hands… Enough time to build a human-sized, cardboard replica of a birthday cake for a tall dude to jump out of with a keyboard at a random Wing Stop… Enough time to roller skate to Boys II Men in the middle of Brighton, but not enough time to perfect the art of roller skating backwards, unfortunately… Enough time to invest in a 1000 piece puzzle in the shape of a giant wolf. (I don’t even know where to start with this, cause the edges are not square. You know, since it’s the outline of a wolf)… Enough time to purchase a record entitled “How to be a Jewish Mother.” (The back of it says you do not have to be either Jewish or a mother to learn the art of being a Jewish mother.)

Enough time to realize Tony and Tuyet were not kidding around when they said they wanted us to blind date a stranger off Craigslist. We chose to place our ads under the “Strictly Platonic” section instead of “Casual Encounters,” aka the “I Will Totally Rape You” section.

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The Joys of Harassing Interns.

Posted in I Am An FM Intern by internface on November 12, 2008

My name is Maggie. I am also an FM intern. I am an alcoholic enabler and a strict, law-abiding citizen with a fondness for gambling, grammar, and meeting parents. I, too, am hoping to graduate in the near future. (“Near future” seems vague enough, right?) Naturally, I’m way better at life than Clay. He is my friend and all, but have you seen him play putt-putt golf? It’s fucking pathetic. Plus, I totally caught him cheating off my notes while we were judging that amateur strip contest.

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