fm magazine is cutting jeans into shorts

Some MOON shit.

Posted in I Am An FM Intern by internface on December 14, 2008

MOON SHIT.
There is a full moon this Friday. 12-12!
For some reason, I am totally excited.
People get crazy when the moon is full, right?
We (humans) like to blame the moon for a lot of weird shit…
LIKE:
-traffic accidents
-crisis calls to police or fire stations
-domestic violence
-births of babies
-suicide
-major disasters
-casino payout rates
-assassinations
-kidnappings
-aggression by professional hockey players
-violence in prisons
-psychiatric admissions [one study found admissions were lowest during a full moon]
-agitated behavior by nursing home residents
-assaults
-gunshot wounds
-stabbings
-emergency room admissions [but see]
-behavioral outbursts of psychologically challenged rural adults
-lycanthropy
-vampirism
-alcoholism
-sleep walking
-epilepsy
-crazy chicks on their periods being CRAZY
– WEREWOLVES

Either the moon is getting more credit than it deserves, or the moon is the most magical planet in the heavens!

It’s not a planet? No, it’s not. It’s the sun, except it’s made of cheese. The gypsy in me says the moon has got to be pretty fucking powerful if it affects the tides of the OCEAN!

But according to a study in 1996 by Ivan Kelly, James Rotton, and Roger Culver, the moon is getting more credit than it deserves. They examined over 100 studies and found no real correlation between phases of the moon and any of the rates of the above activities. And if there was a slight correlation, it was linked it to pure chance.

Apparently, babies are supposed to fall out of their moms on full moons, too. Something about gravity…

Werewolves, bleeding vaginas, gravity babies… it’s all some crazy moon shit for sure. Don’t be skeptical, it’s a waste of time. Who are you going to trust? Some crazy gypsy, or some “scientists”?

I’m not sure why this is all underlined, and I can’t seem to change it. Fuck it. It’s in English, right?

—Maggie Moody

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3 Responses

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  1. John Gurrieri said, on March 22, 2009 at 11:50 am

    Wow, I never knew that all that stuff happening during the full moon was fake, or that it was made out of cheese. This article was humorous, I bet the person who wrote it likes humor.
    Also, does FM Magazine really stand for Fuck Mountain Magazine? Because that is what some lady told me in a bar in Pennsylvania this weekend.

    • fkngmtns said, on March 27, 2009 at 11:47 pm

      FM stands, never for the pledge of allegiance, but always for the Fucking Mountains.

  2. Maggie said, on April 13, 2009 at 10:21 am

    I wrote this and yes, I love humor? Who doesn’t?
    I met someone recently who said they hated condiments. I bet they also hated humor, you know…laughing and smiling are such a chore.
    A lady in a bar in Pennsylvania?
    People actually read this?
    Fuck Mountain
    ? Space Mountain?

    Now, the moon is waning.
    FYI.


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