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Desperately seeking date to BoysIIMen…W4M

Posted in I Am An FM Intern by internface on November 25, 2008

I quit my job this week, so I no longer do the devil’s work at the Larimer Lounge. So now I have a LOT of time on my hands… Enough time to build a human-sized, cardboard replica of a birthday cake for a tall dude to jump out of with a keyboard at a random Wing Stop… Enough time to roller skate to Boys II Men in the middle of Brighton, but not enough time to perfect the art of roller skating backwards, unfortunately… Enough time to invest in a 1000 piece puzzle in the shape of a giant wolf. (I don’t even know where to start with this, cause the edges are not square. You know, since it’s the outline of a wolf)… Enough time to purchase a record entitled “How to be a Jewish Mother.” (The back of it says you do not have to be either Jewish or a mother to learn the art of being a Jewish mother.)

Enough time to realize Tony and Tuyet were not kidding around when they said they wanted us to blind date a stranger off Craigslist. We chose to place our ads under the “Strictly Platonic” section instead of “Casual Encounters,” aka the “I Will Totally Rape You” section.

For Clay’s, I wrote, “I’m just some buff dude who likes to cut loose on the town from time to time.” Oddly enough, he had no responses. For mine, Clay wrote, “I’m just some normal chick who likes to cut loose on the town from time to time. Contact me soon, or miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, literally.”

I now have forty seriously quality dudes ranging from 18-65 to choose from, or I mean, for Clay to choose from for me. That jerk. And strangely enough, both of our ads were flagged for removal within twelve hours of being posted. So, unless Clay is off the hook, (which would be incredibly unfair, by the way) we will both be making another guest appearance in the Craigslist dating world pretty soon here. In a few weeks, I may have only a shred of dignity left, but with any luck, I’ll be well on my way to becoming the ultimate Jewish mother, and hopefully not responding to careers in dishwashing, or line cooking anytime soon. Or maybe I’ll just respond to this guy’s ad.

Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party
Date: 2008-08-26, 3:22PM CDT

We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn’t even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.

the birthday is on Friday, Sept. 5th in Bucktown. Oh, did I mention that the clown needs to get shitfaced. Don’t worry, we will purchase all the drinks.

– Maggie

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2 Responses

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  1. Jeff said, on November 25, 2008 at 3:42 am

    How do I get a date?

  2. Schmou said, on November 30, 2008 at 2:11 am

    aww poor Clay – forget Craigslist, wanna go on a blind date with me? I’m just your 21 y.o. short spunky female intent on discovering adventure one couch at a time – i’ll buy the beer…

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