8 hours of drinking and smoking tons of hash, and this guy is still totally in control. Aint nobody gonna steal his fanny-pack/ man-purse/ this-is-where-my-money-is bag. Actually, after I took this photo and made some crass comment about how smashed homeboy was, the girl next to me checked his pulse while another girl expressed her concerns for his safety. Yeah, Spain is a damn nice place to get lit.
Tony: Apparently everybody talks mad shit about Paris, or more precisley, about the people who live there. After a few nights in the streets of the heart of France, I have to agree; the Parisians are dicks. Yeah, I get it. My French is total shit, and you can talk wicked-good english with a snotty accenct. Well, I can speak asshole pretty well, and am able to pick up on most of the smack you are laying down. So, F-U, dude.
Brian: People from Paris are definitely a bunch of turkeys. And talk about a shithole of a hostel! It was like paying thirty bucks to sleep on rocks, shower in a concentration camp & take shits in a bathroom that was actually built out of shit that they collect in bins after you flush….Ok maybe I’m being a little dramatic but it was still a shithole.
Tony: For all it’s made up to be, Paris is kinda boring. Folks walk around munching on long sticks of bread, with red teeth from the heaps of cheap wine they consume (only thing cheap in Paris). Everything closes fairly early, and the streets smell like piss. They do have some goddamn good art, though.
Brian: Ooh I’m so fancy and proper with my dumbass bread snacks.
Brian cried a little when he saw it.
Tony: They say that Paris is for lovers, which really sucks when youŕe a bit tipsy on vino and missing your girlfriend. Brian offered to hold my hand while we strolled down the Champs Elysee, but it just wasnt the same. Although, he does have very soft hands.
Brian: The Eiffel Tower is pretty rad. I almost had to fight a Gypsy underneath it. Champs Elysee is stupid. & My hands are soft because I use Curel Lotion homes.
Original B-Boy stance. Sick.
Brian: The Lourve is amazing! The place is huge. You could walk around for days and still wouldn’t be able to see everything. Some of the paintings were so big and intense that my stomach would start to hurt while looking at them. The only downside is all the shitheads crowding everything to take pictures with a flash when the sign clearly says no flash photography. Paris was pretty much lame but I would defintely go back to see The Lourve again.
Tony: Seriously, Brian got really worked up about all these camera flashes. He really loves The Lourve… almost as much as he loves his hand lotion.
Allergies, homie.
Brian: The End.
Tony: Going to Amsterdam is like smoking really good weed out of a bong shaped like a vagina.
Sex and drugs are everywhere, or at least everywhere in the city center, and by the time you’ve walked down a few streets you are a horny dope-driven wreck of a person. To make things worse, there are a million gorgeous liberal dutch women riding riding around on old bikes, going to and from amazingly contemproary art galleries…It is possibly the greatest place in the world.
Brian: Amsterdam is definitely as rad as it sounds. Smoking the best weed you’ve ever smoked in front of cops on the street, walking into a dutch lesbian bar by accident, dancing with the most beautiful women until they leave then dancing with the other most beautiful women that just got to the club. It definitely ruled.
The day we arrived, we headed to our hostel which ended up being smack dab in the middle of the Red Light District. It was a movie themed hostel ran by really pissed off Syrians that yelled at each other a lot. They actually ended up being cool dudes once you talked with them. It was still pretty scary to walk into the hostel high as fuck with a bunch of them hanging around mean-mugging you. Everytime we would walk in I would get paranoid that they were onto me & my weed smoking antics even though they didn’t care because they were also stoned
So we drop our shit off and headed for the nearest coffee shop. Coffee shops only sell weed and weed smoking tools, food with weed in it, munchie food for when you’re high and non-alcoholic beverages. Bars don’t sell weed but most have smoking areas. After we smoke our first spliffs of hash and tobacco we head to the nearest bar. After a few beers to level us out we ask the waiter where the cool places to party are. He tells us about Studio 80.
Tony: Ordering weed is like ordering a drink. You stare at a menu of clever names with catchy descriptions, scrolling through the list until a waiter pressures you into making a decision. Items like White Widow, AK-47, and Supa-Dupa High-As-Fuck Wacky Weed, are common place on these menus. I found something with locally grown grass, and figured I may as well support the local economy and buy a spliff of the dutch stuff. Brian seemed surprised with the order, and a few drags later explained that my joint was rolled with the ‘heavy shit.’ I don’t smoke weed, and for good reason; within a few minutes of inhalation I became a completely helpless idiot. Thank god Brian and his weed knowledge were there to direct me.
One hooker. One pimp. Too much style.
Brian: The next night we had some dinner with a friend and headed to another coffee shop. Not really paying attention to the menu I order a spliff which I thought was just hash and tobacco. Turns out that I ordered a spliff with tobacco and really good weed. It also turns out that weed spliffs get you way higher than hash spliffs. Needless to say I was way high. Too high. It was scary as fuck.
The streets and sidewalks in Amsterdam are super shitty. Some areas the curbs are higher than others, the cobble stones would jut out every now and then so walking on this shit sober was hard enough let alone when you’re trying to concentrate on not losing you’re mind because you’re so stoned. After walking for what seemed like forever it starts to rain. At this point I’m starting to get a little more of a grasp on reality and realize that I’m not on a boat in the middle of the ocean but looking for a club with Tony in Amsterdam. The rain is starting to get worse so we head into the first bar we see.
When we walk into the bar I’m thinking, ‘hell yeah look at all these fine honeys and no dudes except for the bartender dancing to Beyonce.’ After a few sips of my beer I look around and realize that all the pictures on the wall are famous female actresses and they have a projector showing photos of the bar from parties they’ve had before. In the photos I notice that there isn’t one dude except for the obviously gay bartender. That’s when it dawns on me that we missed the huge rainbow flag above the door and that Tony and I were chilling in a lesbian bar.
We finally get to Studio 80, and it’s a ghost town except for a couple of Dutch hipsters and two German goofs throwing down the sickest dance moves I’ve seen.
Tony: Brian is being sarcastic here…they danced like pogosticks on acid.
Brina: Within thirty minutes the place is packed. The first DJ is playing some crazy electro with violins, accordions, and every other wacky instrument you would never expect. It was amazing! Seriously. It was a double headliner show thrown by a little local magazine. The first headliner was a band from Toronto called Basketball. They are a three piece; one dude on electronics, one dude banging on a drum and another dude yelling into a mic with too many effects. Meh. The second headliner was Momma’s Boy aka Mikix the cat. Mikix is a Dj/producer from Paris known for his hard electro/bassline sound but while playing under his Momma’s Boy moniker he spins mainly house. After nerding out with Mikix about the new hottest jams in broke-ass english- “Huh? What? I’m sorry I don’t understand” type conversation- Estaw started his set. After Estaw finished, I was pretty drunk and high, and Mikix started playing. It was awesome. He was all over the map. From straight up house, into 90’s anthem house, dubstep, g-rap and finally into his signature sound. Sick.
El Brian & Mikix the Cat
Tony: The club was sick. The lesbian bar was even sicker.
Traditional English Breakfast: Bacon, Sausage, Fried Egg, Toast, Beans, and Chips.
Tony: London is a shit hole.
The imperial catastrophe that is London, is filled with annoyingly drunk white people and saucy club kids who think hi-fives suck. I understand why America got the hell away from this little nightmare when they did. We arrived in the city super late, and were in desperate need of some sleep and food. However, after speaking with a young Italian about the club scene, we opted for an all-night rager at Club Fabric. Drum and Bass, raver kids, and a bunch of bad drugs, made the evening one to remember (or at least mention in a scrap book). Seriously, of the 10 pills that were purchased, I’m pretty sure we consumed more baking soda than narcotics. But the music was good and the $9 beers were decent.
Brian: Fabric is awesome. That’s all I have to say about London.
Which one is real?
Tony: Brighton was much better. We bunked with my old rocker pal, Andy, who played in some funky Brit-rock bands back in the day. He told us a hundred stories about being on various BBC shows, and tyring to score with young birds in South America. Good mate.
Brian: Andy is one of the raddest dudes I’ve ever met. He may also be the fastest man on the entire planet. Walking with him was like you were in a race to see who could get to the next block first. Besides being The Flash, Andy is also an awesome DJ. We got to listen to him play before & after a pretty decent cover band (funk music), who were treated like rockstars by the shitloads of locals that show up for all of their gigs.
My favorite part of Brighton was the BBQ we went to at Andy’s girlfriend’s house. I sat all day listening to Tony speak Spanish with Andy, some very attractive Spanish/Argentinian women & their friends. We ate, smoked spliffs & drank beer all day. Amazing.
Tony: While in Brighton we heard about a naked bike ride, and figured it would be a good chance to meet the locals. Andy warned us that the English aren’t the most attractive people to view naked, especially in the early days of Summer, but Brighton is known for its liberal policies on nudity and embraces this kind of behavior. Needless to say, we saw alot of dick.
Brian: Tons of dick.
-
UPCOMING EVENTS
July 24-25: FM Mag presents the Rule stage at the Underground Music Showcase. Details TBA.
August 22: SkateBike II.
-
Recent Photos
More Photos
